Celery and Bovine Innards

My life lacks some serious drama - so much so that the only stories I have to share consist of the most insignificant events and that leads to mouthfuls of csb's. THAT'S WHY I'LL BLOG ABOUT IT BITCHES. So last week I was at woolies with my mum. I bent down to pick up a bunch of celery, turned around to put the celery in the trolley. But as I turned around, this man decided to walk in between the trolley and I. So I ended up stuffing the celery in the man's face. HAHAHA Ma bad. But seriously, at the time, I didn't even bother being subtle about the hilarity of it. I just let it out man. HAHAHA Anyway, on Thursday, we had our first Camden prac and we were on cattle that day. I think I can officially say that I've fulfilled everyone's expectations of being a vet student, i.e. I stuck my hand up a cow's ass!!! It was fricking warm - almost hot (I don't actually know where warm ends and hot starts...just...you get ma flow)...speaking of flow, the shit just flowed out man. Okay I should probably explain the sequence of events. Firstly, we were given full-length gloves and lube. Yeah - the guys went cray. "Lube it up", "Yeah man lube hurhurhur" HAHA worst thing is I was thinking it too. ANYWAY. We were taught what to look for, i.e. the foetus. Whaaaaat? Yeah. After we all lubed up, (hurhurhur) we had to position our fingers like a duck's beak and we stuck it. Hard. We kind of had to or else the shit would just push it back out. And the anus would contract up your arm as you stuck it in further and further. Plus the anus was so tight I, no joke, thought my blood circulation would be cut off. But I survived and even though I didn't feel jackshit (although I did feel cow shit - HAAAHAAHAA). Obviously photos were taken, but it's too much effort syncing my phone and uploading it. Aw dammit I actually want to upload it but I know there'll be 230398423 updates because I never sync my phone for that exact reason. So it's pretty much a cycle and updates are never updated. Cows are such weird animals - you'd think that they're harmless and stupid like sheep. Well they are. Not. Harmless. (HAAHAAA gotcha there) To give an idea of how flexible their hind leg is, they can scratch their ears with that leg, so when we had to bend over behind their ass to tie their leg, I was shitting myself. Why? Well after shitting myself, I stood up on the opposite side of the leg, i.e. behind the leg that wasn't tied, I pulled the leg up (for examinations etc) and the cow just fricking kicked like a cow. I know right - what a cow. It kicked horizontally and if I was standing there, it probably would've had enough power to throw me onto the other side. Other interesting things that happened this week: - Fricking telepathy: I'd randomly think about someone and realise I haven't seen them since graduation and nek minnit (actually like half an hour later which is still fricking trippy as hell) they whapp/text/inbox me RANDOMLY. Still don't think it's trippy? IT HAPPENED 4 TIMES. DON'T TELL ME THAT'S NOT TRIPPY NOW. - I thought I lost my phone but turns out it was on the driveway. In other words, I survived an entire night without my phone. In other words, my phone survived an entire night out in the cold. Soz phone. I actually feel bad for neglecting it as though it were a child. Is that weird? Wait. Not that i've neglected a child before. Lul where is this even going? - It sucks how the stuff you read about seems more interesting when you're not intentionally studying it. Today my dad asked me about the differences between bacteria and viruses. I started researching and CELL BIOLOGY HAD NEVER BEEN SO INTERESTING. WTF cell bio is basically my least favourite subject and when I read about stuff not related to the course, you actually become a fascinating research topic? I guess it's the same with English texts though. Sucks brudder. Okay I just drank this dessert and now I'm feeling hot. Which means I need to take my jacket off. Which means I need to end this post. WTF how is that even related? It's not. I just can't find a more creative way of ending this. HAHA. Okay bye.